March 2012
mjolkk:
oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind hallucinatory drug.
i’m in the next isle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat
am i a bad person
thelilnan:
chicksdigthephoenix:
shake
shake
...
February 2012
donna-meagle:
Me: I'm so fat
Me: I need to diet
Me: I should start running
Me: Omg I need to lose weight
Me: Ugh I am so gross
Me: I should eat healthier
Me: -inhales a bag of dorritos-
Me: Yolo
Yuseef, dount lick dat bo-
eziorants:
“Deer Seester,
Todai was…..a leetle awkword.
I was a waulkeeng thru de crouds en de market, and saw a dumbo guard.
…Hokai, what da fook do dey teech des guards.
I threw a bomb A STRAUIGHT A EN HEES A FACE.
When et esploded, he say “ooooh, I wondur where a dat came froom oooh”
….I dink Consta…Consti…dis place es de preskewl for a de guards.
Butt im knot gonna lie, es funi as...
adamusprime:
i love the way some of the things on tumblr are named
like at some point the engineers came to karp and were like “hey, we need a name for the place where we put all the themes, can we just call it the theme page or something”
and karp was like
jpegartifacts:
The gay agenda:
wake up
pray that Rick Santorum becomes gay
push straight people who are riding bikes off of their bikes
have gay lunch
go for a gay walk in the gay park
go to gay work and make gay money
go gay shopping
buy gay things
have gay dinner
pray that America will be destroyed
watch a gay television programme on a gay television set
go to sleep
have gay...
1 tag
“I love animation because in the world of animation, you can be anything you...”
– CHRIS ROCK, introducing the Best Animated Film Oscar. (via inothernews)
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a deep coma....
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
1 tag
every single time i see that i have a new message, i sit here and think of the 5,000 different ways i could have possibly pissed someone off before i open my inbox
1 tag
cakeandbacon asked: I think you have one of the best laughs I've ever heard. :) Just thought you should know.
expectations: I'm just going to take a quick power nap and I'll wake up refreshed and energized
reality: passed out cold for five hours solid, wake up not knowing what day it is or what the last meal you ate was
